You want something, you gotta wish on the morning star. Okay, I don’t know that anybody ever said that. But Kermit isn’t a dreamer? Really? How sad for the gangly frog. Because then he’s going to be (alert, incoming pun) porking Miss Piggy, and I don’t need to see that outside of an early Peter Jackson film. Now, given that the singer is generally a frog made of felt, I’m comfortable not imagining him as a lover. Lovers cannot be dreamers and vice versa, and further, the singer identifies as neither of those things. In case that wasn’t entirely clear.”Īlso: saying, “The lovers, the dreamers, and me,” indicates that these are three distinct entities. He’ll hook you up with the real rainbow connection, if you know what I mean. Someday we’ll find “it.” Find what? What the fuck is a rainbow connection? What does it connect? Is it a bridge? A Delta flight? A drug connection? “Yo, you wanna get high, you gotta see my man Jimmy the Skeev down under the overpass. And then what happens, man? THEN WHAT HAPPENS.” Because one day the rainbows are coming to come for us all. I’m stocking up on ammo and so should you. You think rainbows aren’t real but I’m here to tell you they’re real as you and me, man. All that shit you thought you know about rainbows? LIES TOLD BY BRAINWASHED SCIENTISTS. What? What’s happening? Rainbows aren’t just illusions? This is starting to sound like a crazy person’s conspiracy theory about rainbows. Rainbows are hiding the shit out of leprechauns. Wizard of Oz had Munchkins, a thinly-veiled metaphor for an unruly host of leprechauns hoarding gold in the form of a “yellow brick road.” Filthy little fair folk! Greedy little Rumpleforeskins.)Įxcept leprechauns. “Over the Rainbow.” Do we possess a secret canon of rainbow songs? More specifically, how many songs about rainbows do we have where the song ponders what’s on the other side of said rainbow? (We know what’s on the other side, by the way: goddamn leprechauns. Right up front I’m forced to ask: are there that many songs about rainbows? I can think of… mmm, one other one. I mean - Rockabye Baby? In the tree-tops? Wind blows, cradle rocks, baby falls out of tree? Why was the baby in the tree in the first place? Who puts a cradle up there? Ben Franklin? Nikola Tesla? And why are we singing songs about babies falling out of trees as a means to get babies to sleep? Is there a subtle threat in there? “You don’t fall asleep, I’m going to stick your bediapered ass in a tree and you better hope the wind doesn’t knock your chubby cheeks to the forest floor, kid. Thing is, as you start to sing songs to your kids, you start listening to the lyrics. One such track: “The Rainbow Connection.” As sung by The Muppets.Īnd, as sung by me. In the process, I’ve got a few mix CDs I play in the car with kid-friendly tunes (They Might Be Giants is particularly delightful in this regard). Yes to Kermit! No to Barney the Dinosaur. Having a Tiny Human in the house (now ten months old!), I’m slowly steeping him in the warm waters of approved pop culture goodness, which means it is time for a slow but ever-increasing dose of things like The Muppets.
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